Lauren Baker Final Reflections

The biggest gift I have received from this class was a change in perspective. I am excited to note that I have gained a new sense of fearlessness; this has been extremely benefitial to me not only in terms of Arts and Activism, but as an artist in general. As I have grown older, my understanding of my own artistic practice has shifted a great deal. Naturally, I grew up with an idea of acting and dancing simply being my passion, and nothing more.  I didn't realize the magnitude of what I did- I just knew that my passion consumed me and was my dominant point of focus. I knew that I was going to dedicate my life to being an artist, but it was simply because it brought me such joy and I did not want to spend my life experience doing anything else.

As I grew from a child and into a young adult, I started to understand the basic components of our society. I understood there were other professions outside of the arts, and generally, these careers were viewed as more practical and stemmed from greater necessity. On a very basic level, however, I wanted to rage against this idea- I wanted to prove to anyone and everyone that the arts were just as important. Furthermore, I viewed myself as a very brave individual for daring to pursue a career in the arts. I thought it was a huge risk to pursue a profession in theater instead of becoming, let's say, a nurse.

When I started college, I went through a transitional period of realizing my own naivety. I came to understand that not only are the arts more powerful than I had ever imagined, but I have always been apart of a false narrative that continues to exist: my ideas of art were simply so much more shallow than I ever could have known. I realized that my entire way of life and perception of the world came from a privilege that I was born into, and the past three years at CalArts (and a year before in New York) provided a major experience of growth. I would like to think of it as a new awakening: I realized that the arts are not only so much more vital to the human condition than I was remotely aware of, but it is undoubtedly political. 

I have realized that everything in the world can be called art. I can find a bench in the mall in Valencia, and simply watch the people go by and observe their behavior, clothing choices, etc. Everything I see can be traced back to someone's thought, which comes from someone else's reality, which comes from the world we live in today. There is a story to be found everywhere- I see that more clearly now than I ever have before. Everything I see can be a sort of commentary on our society. With this awareness, and my talents combined with my privilege of understanding, I can go forth and create art. But I came to realize that anything I create is political because it makes a statement. Even a work of experimental theater, for example, with a non linear plot that leaves the story totally unsolved is a statement. And over the past three years, this was all overwhelming to me.

After the 2016 election, I felt a huge amount of guilt. I did not want to be white, and I hated the fact that I wished that I wasn't white because of the privilege that I have that others do not. What could I contribute to this world that would in anyway help another person? If I tried to make art unrelated to politics, I was being complacent. If I tried to comment, I ran the risk of offending someone or using my privilege incorrectly. It made me reconsider my art- why should I have the right to be an actor when there are so many people in the world and in this country who continue to be oppressed? How can I even exist as an artist without further adding to the massive amount of problems? With the new understanding that every choice I make is a statement, I was afraid of what to say.

This class made me realize that my way of thinking- my fear of expressing myself because of who I am- was just another layer of oppression that I was still taking part of. The biggest takeaway I have gained is to fearlessly pursue to express and explore what I desire, regardless of what another person or an audience might think. I am no longer afraid of debate, but I embrace it because I now realize that a dialogue is more powerful and route to problem solving. This class has made me give myself permission to feel inspired, and take part in projects that I desire to. It's caused me to realize that I have the ability to communicate my thoughts and opinions about the world, and regardless of what anyone might think, I will use my voice because the ability to do so is a blessing.

I am so grateful to have been exposed to a number of great artists in this class. It was wonderful to explore the ways that art is deeply entrenched in our government and world history, and this exposure has caused me to sharpen my awareness and knowledge of Arts and Activism. I feel excited to no longer feel a need to shy away from the uncomfortable topics. Just like I am in my acting classes, I am learning that working from a place of discomfort is a way to move forward. I think that this class forced me to embrace a more mature outlook of the world as a whole, and the real bravery is accepting who I am and what I believe in. The true bravery is being willing to engage in a discussion with someone who has a different opinion, and learn from them. And hopefully, as I go on, I can have an effect on others whom I have the honor of working with; I hope I can bring this sense of an open mind wherever I go.